January 24th 2012 ~ Miracle Thinking

It's completely human to worry, to think through a situation and see all the possible outcomes. But when do we stop considering possibilities and start to worry, about things out of our control? about things which are unlikely?  No matter how hard we try to see the glass as half full we tend to always see it as half 

Todays meditation is really miracle thinking, it's about focusing on accepting what is and in turn releasing what is not.

So obviously the situation that I am meditating on is the recent birth of my daughter, Scarlett (I hope I don't bore you all too much as I would imagine this could be a recurring theme).

If it wasn't clear previously, I was scheduled for a ceasarian. With my son it was done as an emergency so I experienced it all from a different point of view ...you know, being in labour for 2 days and exhausted I just wanted it all over. This time around it was all very proper ... go into the hospital at 6:30am, get shown to my room, unpack, get changed and wait. And wait. Then I get wheeled away and now I'm waiting in the ante chamber to the operating theatre. Waiting and thinking, actually thinking about what is going to happen, thinking that it is my Nanna's birthday, thinking what would happen to my kids if anything went wrong. I guess thinking about the "what ifs".  As it turned out, the operation did not happen without complications and I'm still waiting to find out exactly what ocurred.

So the past few days I have been living in a bit of a "what if" world.  Alot of it centering on me not surviving the operation and my children being left without a mother. Some of it focusing on the difficulties I had after surgery and then of course I moved onto all the possibilities and impossibilities around my ability to cope with a not yet Mr 2 and a newborn baby.

So I sit, and I breathe in and I focus. On what is reality. I have a beautiful, precious little girl who is healthy, content and doing everything she should be doing as a newborn (sleeping and eating). I have a beautiful 21 month old son who is full of energy, full of love for his little sister (though at times the little green eyed monster makes an appearance) and full of love for him mum and dad. I am alive, I am relatively healthy. We have a roof over our heads, warm beds to snuggle into at night and food to fill our bellies. I have enough.

And I breathe out, releasing what isn't. I'm not dead. My pain is not permanent. My son has accepted our new addition most of the time. I am not in hospital. Somehow I will be able to cope once my mother goes back to work.

Throughout my life I have always tried to think positive. To spend time and energy on the things I can control or what I learned later in life as being in my circle of influence. Wasting time and energy on things that you have no control over is a waste. But you do get caught up in the negative sometimes, and yes, it's not always negative the "what if's" but it usually is (there is always that multi-million dollar lottery win that you have spent in your mind before the big draw).

Today I move forward, being thankful for my reality, thankful for what is in my life. I will still always think through all possibilites but that's where it will cease, I will not let it consume me, I will consider it and then move on. Let's face it, a newborn and under 2yr old I need all the energy I can muster and wasting it on all the "what if's" in my life is just that .... a waste.

How about you? Can you subscribe to your own miracle thinking? Can you focus on your own reality and not all the endless possibilites that can happen at any given time, in any given moment?